But I don’t regret losing her

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Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

t’s been 3 years since that day. At a time when my emotion was at an all time high. The butterflies, as they say, were flying everywhere. I didn’t know exactly how I was going to do it but I knew I wanted to. My heart was thumping like a reggae beat. Boom ta ta boom. The bass in my heart dropped harder than a Skrillex song. I was scared. But for a good reason. Or so I thought.

I know at the beginning of this story it probably sounds like one of those fairy tale moments in life. The dream I had of having a life partner was now faded. Gone off in the distance. We spent over five years together at this time in our lives. We believed we were meant for each other. So I proceeded accordingly. At least to my mind but my heart was saying something else.

“You’re not ready”, said my heart.

I called it out as a lier. One side of my heart was saying that I wasn’t ready while the other side believed I was. Was I confused? Apparently yes. But I didn’t believe I was. Why wasn’t I prepared for this moment even though I felt I was?

The name of her will remain a mystery to others. We started hanging out in college. I had a class with her in my junior year. Once I saw those eyes I had put it my mind that I would have her be mine. Nothing would be able to stop me. Not even the worlds end. As I went home after meeting her I devised a plan. It was like those war movies when the general has a giant map and tells the troops where they need to go to execute the battle. My battle was against time. Not even another guy. I had it set in stone that I would be the one to conquer this feat. And so I waited.

Senior year came around and as the graduation came close for me I asked her out. At this point we had been hanging out almost every day as friends. I knew her now. This was the perfect chance.

She said yes. I was head over heels. Even though I don’t wear heels. My body jumped for joy in silence. Obviously I couldn’t show how excited I was. You ever heard the term like a kid in a candy store? That was me but in Disney World instead. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. All night I stayed up just visualizing what we do on our dates. I had so many plans not only for then but for our future together. I started thinking about kids. Kids! What they would look like. How they would mix in features with us. Her curly brown hair and my coarse black hair. Her hazel eyes and my regular brown ones. I like my eye color though. Don’t get it twisted. But to me her beauty far exceeded anyone I had ever been with or seen. So why didn’t it work out?

We loved each other hard. Doing the most for each other on birthdays and holidays. However I missed something vital on this journey. Time.

This falls on my behalf. I was not giving enough time. That’s not to say I did not spend alot of time with her but I didn’t always have her as my priority. There were days when she needed me for support and I was nonexistent. That’s a huge problem. It would tear any relationship apart no matter how in love with each other you are. If you don’t give enough time there are consequences. This could be a message for women also but this is mainly for the guys out there. If all she really wants is you there to support her in every aspect you better get your tail over there. Don’t even meet her halfway. Meet her at the beginning. Join her in her journey. Do those silly things with her. Share arts and crafts that you handcrafted as a token of love. Basically don’t be me three years ago.

It is important to cherish the time you have with someone. Life is too short to take it for granted. Once you do the repercussions will occur. That’s the only thing you shouldn’t have time for. Wasting. Your’e also wasting your life away in general by doing so. Do yourself a favor and fix it while you still can. If she wants to spend time with you and you have been neglecting her or she just feels that way still go to her. Out of every guy that went up to her she chose you. That’s a blessing in itself. Treat it as one. Then you won’t have to say you almost had a wife.

Making articles to feed your mind and body. Freelance writer. BMCC Poetry Slam 2012 Winner 📝

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